Wow, I can’t believe it’s been so long since my last post and boy, have things changed. Some for the better, most for the worst. Since then, I decided to move this blog in a different direction for a couple of reasons. I thought starting a blog off the bat talking about how to deal with chronic illness would be a way to not only reach out to others who are in a similar situation, but also to try and make a profit off of it. I quickly realized that if you start a blog with the wrong motive, it becomes a chore and that’s why I dropped everything after a few posts. Insert my embarrassed laughing.
As I mentioned, things have changed. I realized over time that my health has been declining, doctors don’t know what entirely is wrong so they threw diagnosis at me, a handful of family members dying in a span of a few months because of their terminal illnesses (which started to make me question my own mortality when I’m not half as bad off as they were) and generally missing out on life because I was just too tired, too sick and too much in pain to do anything. To which, that’s just a concoction for depression.
But not all was bad. Sure the bad outweighed the good but the rest of the time gave me some new perspective. I was able to get in touch with other people who have chronic illnesses related to mine. I got encouragement from healthy people who constantly told me that I’m brave and an inspiration to continue to be strong. My therapist said I got a handle on my emotions well enough to end my sessions (and just in time for her retirement too!) Most of all, I was able to get back into being creative.
It’s all about acceptance and I had to accept a lot of things: realizing limitations, working around those limitations and being okay with the fact that you’re not going to be as good at things as you were when you were at 100%. It took a long time, but I think I pretty much got a hold on it now. Some days I don’t like it, I hate it, I grump about it, but the important thing is that I move forward.
I’m too much of a fighter to give up. Until the day I’m completely paralyzed and bed-bound, there is always something to be done. And I want to keep track of it on this blog, for myself and for others in a similar situation to see. To see the progress I make…or to see if I regress into a weaker state. It’s an online record to show people with chronic illnesses that we’re having the same struggle even if our illnesses are different.
Lastly, I want to focus more on my projects and aspirations rather than talk about my condition. When I talk to fellow “strugglers”, I find it tiring to talk about how my body hurts all the time, how I’m tired or sick. I like to talk more positive things like what I’m looking forward to, what project I want to start on, what I actually accomplished on a bad day like folding the laundry! Accomplishment is a better medicine than the fistful of pills you have to take everyday. You have to work a little harder for it, but it does a body good. There will be a post here or there where I will talk about my condition, but this won’t be a health blog. There are plenty of those already.
In closing, making a blog is a project. Whether you are doing it for fun, to reach out or to start a business. The first two are my priority and the last…well, if it happens, it happens. I don’t know how it will in this case because I have no products to live off of. Regardless of that, I will try my best to keep up with it this time because for the longest time, I felt alone. And you aren’t alone. If looking at my blog and seeing my progress inspires you to get up and do something productive, then good! If it just brings a smile to your face, even better. You can be productive, you can accomplish, you can aspire. Even if it’s just a little at a time.
Thanks for reading.